You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
worst night to have a conscience
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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