She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
