Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
