Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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