I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize