Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
