We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
