I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
