god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
