Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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