If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
