just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
