The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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