Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
