dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
