I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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