so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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