Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You took a bar mat shot.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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