Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
