your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
