Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
