that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize