now i know why i became what i already was.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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