Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
