Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize