so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
