I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
