were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
