I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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