Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
