He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
