the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
