I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
