it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
