I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
