woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
