We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
soo... how was my night?
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