dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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