I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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