i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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