i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
