Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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