we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
