yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
id be glad to
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
