Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm passing your future prison.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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