stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
