i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
