Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
