I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize