I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize