you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
