so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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