Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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