he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
