its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
