I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
