I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize