do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
