Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
