Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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