Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
